The Mornings are Looking Familiar…
Mornings are starting to smell how they did when I was a child. Not just the smell of fresh cut grass, but the excitement in the air is felt. The dew on the remaining strands grace my ankles as I walk toward the bus stop. The sound of brakes stop to allow me to be taken to a place to be taught. Arriving to school with joy as another day of learning and playing has begun. As I am taken back to the days where everyday was a mystery, I observe just how precious that time actually was. In primary school you wake up and go to a building not knowing what the day will bring. You are aware of one thing, today I will learn a piece of information that will immediately be helpful in my day to day, or a piece that will be fundamental to other skills. Don’t get me wrong, a six year old is not even close to being this aware verbally, but I will say that in my heart this understanding I believed this to be true at the time.
What if we lived our lives as if we were six again? Just taking the day as defined by the fresh grass and lived day to day without expectation. I never knew what could possibly erupt, but when things did I would manage and keep going. Children teach us some of the greatest truths about being here on this planet. Not everything is so serious.
Connecting with my inner child hasn’t been the easiest as going back into that part of the psyche can be challenging when there is unprocessed trauma. That term I have found can scare people and have you questioning, “Well what happened to her?!” Truth? Trauma isn’t just one massive event for me or several small events. Trauma is every time I was given the wrong information that added to my toolbox of “this is how its supposed to be” creating false support systems that didn’t suit me. The times when I was asked to compromise the light within me. The times I couldn’t process emotion healthily because I did not have the proper means and the adults around me didn’t either.
Overtime, I have steadily dove deep into that version of myself. Not only reassuring little me she is now safe, but also re-teaching her how to move thru life with a better understanding of herself and how special she is. She is teaching me how to expect less and play more. To sing with the trees because being connected to Earth is part of who I am and how I replenish my soul. Its so wild because its like rewatching my own movie in my head and taking away a different meaning as I am not the same person I was when it was initially created.
It is a beautiful thing, this whole life thing. Our minds are so powerful to be able to pull and create such a space for multiple versions of ourselves to exist. I am so grateful as I sit outside watching the sun turn the sky many colors. I am grateful to smell the rain that takes me to jumping in puddles. I am grateful to stand witness to this life’s lovely creations. I am grateful to connect with an ambitious child like way of being. This is where excitement begins and worry ends. This is liberation. I am free.
